Almost the end of it. I’m glad to see it go. I keep forgetting and then when it comes around every year, I remember.

I kind of hate July.

It’s hard for me to hate stuff, for I’ve never been one for strong feelings, but July gives me a sick feeling in the stomach. Only because it’s been a month where too many folks I’ve known have passed away.

This year was no exception. When the wind wailed and howled for days without end, I began to feel the familiar dread. Irrational, I admit. But then, someone I know, an elderly gentleman who was the epitome of old-world elegance and courtesy, passed away. That day, the wind fell silent and the sun broke through the clouds. As if a rampaging rakshasa had been appeased. Irrational, I know.

Apart from that, the health front for all family members, including yours truly, suddenly took a nosedive. We hobbled out of that entire mess, clutching on for our dear lives in a manner of speaking. I came down with a case of shingles, and am still on painkillers for the nightmarish pain and irritation (or postherpetic neuralgia if you want to get fancy) that follows.

The only silver lining to this awful month has been that I’ve really caught up on my reading. I’ve finished 65 books (9 ahead of schedule according to Goodreads). I’ll update the list of books soon. I’ve read a bunch of rather amazing YA stuff, and a whole lot of books that depressed me, which, believe me, isn’t a wise move when you’re already feeling low. 🙂

That, and the way family and friends have rallied around. Always a blessing, always.

Old people have the reputation of being stuck in their ways and of being judgmental.

However, as I grow older myself, I’ve learnt a few things:

1. Humans are resilient. They change all the time, in ways they never would have imagined possible. I am not saying they will be happy with the changes, but they do adapt wonderfully to practically any situation. This has made me tranquil about life in general. I know that if something were to drastically change, I would adapt to it too. Why worry?
2. There’s no point in being judgmental about people. Folks do the things they do because they feel that’s the best thing they can do given the circumstances. Even if you take a person who is considered abnormal (what is normal anyway?), he/she will be behaving in accordance with certain rules they have come up with internally, because that is what works for them. Each of us is living in our own personal universe, and everything makes sense in that universe – or rather, we impose our own sense of right and wrong in this personal universe. Every story has infinite sides to it. So our judgments are reflections of our own personal universe rather than of other people.

As I grow older, I realize more and more everyday the wisdom of great teachings. Letting go is easier. I focus on the doing and in the now rather than on the future. ‘This too shall pass’ has never been truer. Friends jokingly call me Buddha, Zen and Yoda. I guess I’m slowly beginning to earn these nicknames.

Like a cloud passing overhead which may or may not be noticed, which disappears without a trace, I too shall move through this world and evaporate one day. Till then, I’ll go where the wind takes me.

I honestly don’t know what sort of year 2015 has been. I don’t remember most of it. That’s what time is like for me now – just a blur. Things happen and keep happening, and I feel like a dry leaf swirling around and swept onward by the current of life.

There were plenty of friends around, mostly old, some new. Plenty of laughs and good cheer. World grew more strident around. D turned all grown up almost overnight. Grew a little wiser and honed my homegrown gems of wisdom. Read a lot. Wrote more than expected.Work was more or less steady. No major hiccups health-wise.

What more can one ask for in life? Sometimes I am seized by a peculiar desire – I want to go away somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere difficult  – I want to miss my current life. I already know just how valuable it is, and yet I want to miss it so much that I really know its value. That is a very strange thing to desire. Yes, I confuse myself sometimes.

A New Year holds little glamour. In a funny way, as you grow older, every day is precious, and so special days aren’t so special any more. Still, there’s no reason not to celebrate, not to feel hope and promise of a better, newer tomorrow.

So Happy New Year, folks! May the new year bring you everything you dreamed of, everything you wanted, and everything you really need.