No Means No

The other day, Lil D was flipping thru channels and stopped at Zee TV’s ‘Kehta Hai Dil Jee Le Zara’. The heroine here is supposed to be a “strong and independent” woman. The guy flips for her, and when he tells her, she is furious (I don’t know why since I don’t watch the serial) and asks him to never talk to her again. He comes to her house despite her explicit request nver come to her home again. And then, he walks right into her room and tells her he will enter her home again and again till she relents!

Honestly, I thought I was done watching crap like this. Earlier, practically all movies had this coy heroine saying no-no-no till the hero literally forced her to yield. Ever since I can remember, this has put me off completely. I could never understand how you could suddenly turn around and fall in love with someone who doesn’t appear to respect your wishes in the slightest bit and who routinely runs roughshod over you.

People say that movies don’t influence us. OK, we might not all take law into our hands and bash up the bad men like the heroes portrayed in the movies. However, this aspect of wooing a woman is so widespread a stereotype that it is very troubling. Girls feel the pressure to go through this charade, so afraid they are to speak their own minds. And more dangerous, boys don’t learn to take no for an answer. In between lies the grey area of stalking, eve teasing, sexual harassment, and abuse in general.

I think we need to bring up our boys to learn how to take No in their stride. After all, if the girl does change her No to a Yes without any pressure, it will be from her heart. Isn’t that so much more desirable?

PS: I did point out to Lil D that what the guy was doing was wrong, and the right thing to do would have been to respect the girl’s wishes and stay away from her home. Now why don’t they show stuff like that? 😦

2 thoughts on “No Means No

  1. There is a reason why “they” do not show stuff like the way you want them to…and that is because the story would end. Right there. At that moment. For that character at least.

    I agree with you. It is regressive. Given that many of our fellow citizens seem to emulate movie characters mindlessly does lead to harassment for women all over India.

  2. Aha! I had thought of this! 🙂 🙂
    Why can’t “they” show the guy backing off, and then the girl misses him, and realizes that this is a gem of a guy who actually loves her and respects her wishes, and this brings about the change of heart? The Mills & Boon stereotype of hate turning to love is getting way too old!

    BTW, just wanted to add that it is not just the guys, even the girls buy into this stereotype so much that many of them won’t even recognize true love if it smacked them on the nose, so focused they are on the “story” rather than real life. So in a way, it is a double loss for them. Not only do they get harassed, they begin to believe that such harassment is the only way to find true “lurve”. It’s sad. 😦

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